May 9

today i took laxative again. and as usual it was as pain as hell. i couldn't clear my bowel fully yet so the pain is still lingering there. sometimes i don't know how long i have to suffer from all the pain. yesterday wai meng's father passed away. it was pneumonia. i don't know whether i'll go the same way but no matter what, let my children come back first. i miss them so much. i want to feel amirah's hugs and aimran's rough face .. i want to kiss them all i want before i die. sometimes when the pain come back i feel there's no pain in living anymore. if only the pain is gone ... ya Allah ... please remove this pain from my body.. please ...