May 17, 2011
everyday i feel a little better. yesterday went for the qi gong and massage. ada lah rasa sakit lagi but i think the pain has reduced a lot. i took prune juice and gripe water recommended by Dr Loh but i still couldn't berak. maybe i should increase the dosage. gripe water is excellent. i don't have stomach pain.. just hope i could clear my tummy completely.
i am quite addicted to youtube.. at least something to keep myself occupied. i guess that's one of the reason i'm slowly feeling better. i miss my two kids. amirah is coming back n 10 days. aimran will be longer.. at least now i think i will be around when they come back.
I love you God.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
My Simple Wish
May 11
I am still struggling with pain but one which I consider manageable. God will not give me problems I cannot handle. I can handle this pain. But I just wish it will go away completely. I wish my appetite will improve. I wish I don't have any stomach pain nor body pain. Please God, please let me have my good appetite back. I just want to start eating againg. I don't want to die. My children need me. especially Aifran.
I am still struggling with pain but one which I consider manageable. God will not give me problems I cannot handle. I can handle this pain. But I just wish it will go away completely. I wish my appetite will improve. I wish I don't have any stomach pain nor body pain. Please God, please let me have my good appetite back. I just want to start eating againg. I don't want to die. My children need me. especially Aifran.
Monday, May 9, 2011
May 9
today i took laxative again. and as usual it was as pain as hell. i couldn't clear my bowel fully yet so the pain is still lingering there. sometimes i don't know how long i have to suffer from all the pain. yesterday wai meng's father passed away. it was pneumonia. i don't know whether i'll go the same way but no matter what, let my children come back first. i miss them so much. i want to feel amirah's hugs and aimran's rough face .. i want to kiss them all i want before i die. sometimes when the pain come back i feel there's no pain in living anymore. if only the pain is gone ... ya Allah ... please remove this pain from my body.. please ...
today i took laxative again. and as usual it was as pain as hell. i couldn't clear my bowel fully yet so the pain is still lingering there. sometimes i don't know how long i have to suffer from all the pain. yesterday wai meng's father passed away. it was pneumonia. i don't know whether i'll go the same way but no matter what, let my children come back first. i miss them so much. i want to feel amirah's hugs and aimran's rough face .. i want to kiss them all i want before i die. sometimes when the pain come back i feel there's no pain in living anymore. if only the pain is gone ... ya Allah ... please remove this pain from my body.. please ...
Thursday, May 5, 2011
May 6.
yesterday i saw prof anita. it was a gruesom 2 hr wait. but she delivered the good news that my CT scan is all clear .. liver is ok, lymph nodes ok.. only the bones. honestly the pain is manageable now. i could sleep well at night.. yesterday was horrible because prof anita told me to take laxative..i did and it was so painful like hell.. alhamdulillah by night time i cleared my bowel despite so much pain.. and this morning i feel really good.
thank God i'm recovering everyday.. no more do i feel like i'm going to die anytime .. even if this is just a lull before the storm, please make sure the kids are back from UK.
yesterday i saw prof anita. it was a gruesom 2 hr wait. but she delivered the good news that my CT scan is all clear .. liver is ok, lymph nodes ok.. only the bones. honestly the pain is manageable now. i could sleep well at night.. yesterday was horrible because prof anita told me to take laxative..i did and it was so painful like hell.. alhamdulillah by night time i cleared my bowel despite so much pain.. and this morning i feel really good.
thank God i'm recovering everyday.. no more do i feel like i'm going to die anytime .. even if this is just a lull before the storm, please make sure the kids are back from UK.
Monday, May 2, 2011
May 3.
Osama is dead. according to Obama. It is a desperate lie. a desperate attempt to revive americans faith in Obama. Never mind. better for osama.. he can move around in peace now.
i took tramadol at 2am last night. must have been the best decision i've made.. i woke up not feeling any stiffness or pain. so i took the boys for McD breakfast.
Just now An called and told me there were several enquiries for me .. asking for my email addresses and number. hahaha... i'm on the road to becoming famous! Watch out world .. here i come!
Osama is dead. according to Obama. It is a desperate lie. a desperate attempt to revive americans faith in Obama. Never mind. better for osama.. he can move around in peace now.
i took tramadol at 2am last night. must have been the best decision i've made.. i woke up not feeling any stiffness or pain. so i took the boys for McD breakfast.
Just now An called and told me there were several enquiries for me .. asking for my email addresses and number. hahaha... i'm on the road to becoming famous! Watch out world .. here i come!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
It is 2nd May today. Two fortune tellers said to watch out for this month. either i make it or i don't. God knows best.
i'm still having pain all over but i guess i've gotten immuned to it so it becomes more manageable now. looking forward for my children to be back. i miss them like crazy. like Saturday i got an article published in the the paper. the kids were so proud of me. something to list up my spirit. today i'm back to my miserable self. but i cooked chicken rice. yesterday for the first time i went to tesco with the boys.. such a daring act and that's when the boys wanted to have lunch. it almost moved me to tears watching them eat and i realised it must have been a long time since they last enjoyed my cooking!
living everyday has been quite an agony. especially when i wake up in the morning not knowing how to spend the rest of my day. sometimes i wish whether all this will end, or will it end with my death? ayah said i should fight on.. i'm much too young to die. and i believe aimran wants me to live because i'm too much smart to die .. :-) it will defnitely be a lost to the nation. but who am i to decide? if God thinks my time is up i am sure the afterlife is a better place for me.
i'm still having pain all over but i guess i've gotten immuned to it so it becomes more manageable now. looking forward for my children to be back. i miss them like crazy. like Saturday i got an article published in the the paper. the kids were so proud of me. something to list up my spirit. today i'm back to my miserable self. but i cooked chicken rice. yesterday for the first time i went to tesco with the boys.. such a daring act and that's when the boys wanted to have lunch. it almost moved me to tears watching them eat and i realised it must have been a long time since they last enjoyed my cooking!
living everyday has been quite an agony. especially when i wake up in the morning not knowing how to spend the rest of my day. sometimes i wish whether all this will end, or will it end with my death? ayah said i should fight on.. i'm much too young to die. and i believe aimran wants me to live because i'm too much smart to die .. :-) it will defnitely be a lost to the nation. but who am i to decide? if God thinks my time is up i am sure the afterlife is a better place for me.
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