It is 2nd May today. Two fortune tellers said to watch out for this month. either i make it or i don't. God knows best.

i'm still having pain all over but i guess i've gotten immuned to it so it becomes more manageable now. looking forward for my children to be back. i miss them like crazy. like Saturday i got an article published in the the paper. the kids were so proud of me. something to list up my spirit. today i'm back to my miserable self. but i cooked chicken rice. yesterday for the first time i went to tesco with the boys.. such a daring act and that's when the boys wanted to have lunch. it almost moved me to tears watching them eat and i realised it must have been a long time since they last enjoyed my cooking!

living everyday has been quite an agony. especially when i wake up in the morning not knowing how to spend the rest of my day. sometimes i wish whether all this will end, or will it end with my death? ayah said i should fight on.. i'm much too young to die. and i believe aimran wants me to live because i'm too much smart to die .. :-) it will defnitely be a lost to the nation. but who am i to decide? if God thinks my time is up i am sure the afterlife is a better place for me.